Processing

Okay so this may be a long one.  Tonight is the first time in 5 days we have been able to sit down and process. Since Wednesday, we have had the privilege of walking along side our dear friends, Jerrod, Jen and Cooper, as they say goodbye to their son and brother, Tyler James. 

Wednesday at 2:17, I got a phone call from Jen that I will never forget. She had just found her 4 1/2 month old son Tyler not breathing in his bed. That conversation has played over and over in my head throughout the day and night since. I am sure it will replay less over time but that moment I will never forget. I would have done anything to take that away from her. My heart is so broken for her loss. Being a mom...I can only imagine her longing to hold her baby again. 

One thing that Trav and I continue to say to each other is that its just not fair and that no one should have to bury their child. 

I am so proud to be married to Travis. I have watched him in the past 5 days love and at times weep with his friend Jerrod. He is such a Godly man and I am so proud to be his wife and follow him. He has been by Jerrod side constantly and yet comforted me as well with such tenderness. He was at the hospital with Jen and Jerrod and saw Tyler in his last moments. I know he carries a heavy heart right now. But I have fallen in love all over with him this week and his character and who he is. 

Tonight when I was putting Logan to bed she asked me, "Why were you crying yesterday?" (side note...to Logan "yesterday" can mean any time frame...could mean this morning, 5 minutes ago, or ever tomorrow) 

(me) "Why was Mommy crying?" 

(logan)"Because Baby Tyler is gone." 

(me) "Where is His?" 

(logan) "He's with Jesus." 

(me) "What do you think they are doing right now?"

(logan) "Bounce House!"

If you are a praying person you can pray for Cooper. Its very hard for a 3 year old to wrap their little brain around this. 

Today was hard. But it was a day I will never forget. It is really easy to love God when things make sense and are good. Its another thing to praise God when things aren't fair, don't make sense and are painful. I watched Jen and Jerrod praise the Lord today through their pain. As He should be praised because He is worthy. Although we don't understand this, He is still God, and He is still Good. 

Trav and I are both struggling with going on with life. Trav doesn't want to go back to work tomorrow. We struggle with guilt because we know our lives will somewhat go back to normal soon but Jen and Jerrod's won't. Their lives will never be the same. We can promise one thing though that we will never forget Tyler James. We are so thankful for the sweet memories we have with him. 

Thanks for listening to me process. Well its been a long week. We are going to bed.  

This is Tyler...he was born 4 weeks early. This is a picture of Tyler when he was born next to Jerrod's hand.  He was tiny.

Tyler James Rumley

Thank you for today...

There are not many words to say tonight. We are deeply sad for our dear friends loss. Our hearts grief deeply. But we are reminded tonight of what a true gift every moment is with each other. Tonight I will snuggle and kiss Trav and Logan like there may be no tomorrow. Thank you Lord for today. 

Today...

Look Brent... my hands are healed!! My father-in-law recently asked Trav if my hands were broken because I haven't blogged in over two weeks. Actually the truth is I am in a blog funk. I have been contemplating what I actually want to write about and what is read worthy on a blog in general. I haven't really come to a conclusion on that but I thought I would blog anyways. 

So we will talk about today. 

JUNE 3, 2009

Today is FAYE'S 22nd birthday. Per her request we are having homemade BBQ chicken pizza and garlic french fries for dinner tonight. The 3rd also marks the day that Faye moved in with us 9 months ago today. I wouldn't trade this experience of getting to know Faye better for the anything. HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAYE! 

Today I got 3 hours all to my lonesome to DEEP CLEAN the house. Jen R. took Logan this morning for an hour and a half and my mom took Logan for a hour or so after lunch. Logan is a wonderful helper when it comes to cleaning the house but sometimes when I'm doing the floors its just easier to do it alone. I have never loved the smell of LEMONS so much in my house. I just wish it didn't go away so quickly. Hopefully it will last long enough for Trav to enjoy it when he comes home from work. 

We are still working on POTTY TRAINING. This morning as Logan was going potty she asked why she couldn't hold her private when she went pee pee. (she has seen her Daddy her best buddy Cooper go potty many times and hold themselves to "aim" when they went)  I told her girls and boys have different parts and we talked about the correct terms. For the next couple minutes she was walking around the house saying over and over... "I have a bagina, I have a bagina". I also told her that we can just call that a "TT" too. I can just see her saying that in the grocery store to some stranger. Even though I know you are supposed to use the correct terms with kids...it just sounds so funny coming out of their little mouths. 

Travis and I recently started reading a BOOK together. It's encouraging us to take a hard look at ourselves. It's probably the best book we have read in awhile. We heard about it from a couple we know and highly respect and they said it was the best book about marriage and raising your kids that they had ever read. It is already changing how we look at all of the relationships in our lives. Its called FAMILIES WHERE GRACE IS IN PLACE by JEFF VAN VONDEREN. If you are going on vacation this summer or are looking for a good read, I highly recommend it. 

For Christmas one of my friends gave me a little tile that was engraved with the saying...CONTENTMENT IS NOT THE FULFILLMENT OF WHAT YOU WANT BUT THE REALIZATION OF HOW MUCH YOU ALREADY HAVE. That is such a fitting quote for a me these days. Its so easy to desire more than we have and forget what the Lord has already given us.  Thank you Jen B. for the gift that continues to remind me of how much I have and how loved I am. 

Well thats June 3rd for you.