A week and a half ago, at 27 weeks of pregnancy I was placed on modified bed rest by my doctor. The Wednesday before I went in for my monthly check up and he was a little concerned about the contractions I was having. He took a few tests, examined me and sent me home on some medicine that was to stop the contractions. Thursday morning he called me at work and let me know that the fFN swab test he took on Wednesday had came back positive. On Friday due to contractions not getting better and I was starting to "leak" (test confirmed this was not amniotic fluid), he placed me on bed rest.
In the past 11 days, my mind has been battling ....fear of losing the baby, living at the hospital if he does come soon, feeling guilty for not being able to take care of Logan or Trav, insecurities for having to ask for help, my pride, my guilt, my selfishness, my control. Its amazing how quickly God can get ahold of your heart when you are forced to be still and not do anything. A powerful verse that God is teaching me about is Psalm 46:10: Be still, and know that I am God. Not only am I having to be still physically to ensure the health of this baby, but also of my thoughts. As the fears, insecurities, worry and guilt all race through my mind, He is teaching me to be still, and trust that He is in control and He is God.
Almost 5 months ago one of our very best friends handed their 4 1/2 month old son over to spend eternity with Jesus. At that time I was 9 weeks pregnant. Due to the trauma of the day and events I thought for sure I had lost our baby too. Ever since that day, June 24, my eyes have been open to the realization that life is fragile and such a miracle. Every time I hear his heartbeat at a doctors appointment or feel him kick I am shocked. For whatever reason, part of me almost expects to never meet this little boy. That fear has kept me from attaching to this pregnancy in a small way... until this week. That could be part of the reason I never wanted to "name" him.
Today it is with great joy I would like to introduce someone to you. He is not here yet, but he is my son. His name is Luke.
8 comments:
great post. I heard about this little boy who went to be with the Lord so young. My son is 8 months, and is the same age as the little baby that passed away. I was visiting in california when it happened, and I have thought about that baby a lot. I was so fearful of my son after I heard. I still check on him 100 times when he is sleeping. I have to stop myself and pray to God to help me lean on him and not worry constantly. I am happy to hear about your son. We have a boy and a girl too and it is amazing, enjoy your family. (:
Katie, I love his name.
I too was on bedrest for over half of my pregnancy. In the beginning, at 6 weeks I had a subchronic hemmorrhage on my placenta, placing me at great risk for m/c. I went to u/s every 2 weeks and became worried, that as I was growing attached and so afraid that m/c was going to happen. Then of course, when Moms and More started I was on modified bedrest due to hypertension and protein in the urine, they thought perhaps I might develop Pre-Eclampsia. It was at that time that I met you. My sister in law would drive me to Moms and More and I was so thankful.
I am so happy for you and your family. Be Blessed.
Rebecca Freshwater
I can't wait to meet Luke! I love you!
I can't wait to meet Luke! I am praying for you girl.
praying for you, friend. i resonate with so much of what you said.
i can't wait to meet your little luke. i think he and charlotte are going to be good little friends :)
i love you katie jane.
beautifully written...I needed a tissue though! I'm so glad we had time to catch up the other night. My love and prayers are always with you.
Katie...it's Ashley Berry. I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you. If you remember I went on bed rest at 28 weeks and held off until 38 weeks...it was the most scary and challenging time of my life. I would love to be there for you if you need anything. My doctor told me something that I did a lot lying in bed and praying for my little guy. She would say "every time that you get scared or frustrated hug your belly and know that you hugging your baby." It really helped me through the harder moments and helped me to remember that I was helping to grow a real life. Honestly please let me know if I can help you in any way.
Ash
Post a Comment